dish page is dedicated to all ma dearest friends with drinking problems.... i hope now, you'll have new fun ways of getting drunk, or getting your friends drunk.... i hope never to play this game, because you all know about ma lil drinking tollorence level... haha.... yup... anyways.... i hope you'll hab fun....

DRINKING GUIDE

SYMPTOM

FAULT

ACTION TO BE TAKEN

Drink fails to give satisfaction and taste. Shirt front is wet.

Mouth not open while drinking OR glass being applied to wrong part of face.

Buy another pint and practice in front of mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Drinking gives no satisfaction and taste. Glass is unusually pale and clear.

Glass is empty.

Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Feet wet and cold.

Glass is empty.

Turn glass the other way up, so that the open end is pointing at the ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.

Incorrect bladder control.

Go and stand next to the nearest dog, after a while, complain to the dog's owner about the lack of house training. Demand a pint as compensation.

Bar blurred.

Your are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.

Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Bar swaying.

Air turbulance is unusually high. May be due to darts match.

Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Bar Moving.

You are being carried out.

Find out if you are being taken to another pub. If you're not, complain loudly that you're being hijacked by the salvation army.

You notice the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles and strip lights.

You have fallen over backwards.

If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, then stay put.

Everything has gone dim, and you have a mouthful of broken teeth and dog ends.

You have fallen over forwards.

As for falling backwards.

Everything has gone dark.

The bar is closing.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!

You wake up to find your bed cold, hard, and wet. You can't see your bedroom walls or ceiling.

You have spent the night in the gutter.

Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not then treat yourself to a lie-in.

Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

  • You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
  • Job interfering with your drinking.
  • Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  • Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
  • The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  • Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
  • Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
  • When you can focus better with one eye closed.
  • The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
  • Every woman you see has an exact twin.
  • You fall off the floor...
  • Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
  • Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
  • The glass keeps missing your mouth!
  • Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
  • Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitos!]
  • At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
  • Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
  • You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
  • The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
  • You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women][Men].
  • Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
  • Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
  • Roseanne looks good.
  • Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
  • You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
  • I'm as jober as a sudge.
  • You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
  • You've fallen and you can't get up.
  • BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
  • The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
  • That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

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