THE DRINKING GAME

To play the Star Wars Drinking game, you will need:

• The Star Wars Trilogy on tape (one movie for a short game)
• An ample supply of your favorite beverage (milk, right?)
• A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (optional)

Begin by inserting your weatherbeaten "Star Wars" videotape into the big slot on your VCR. Play the tape. Dim the lights for dramatic effect if you haven't already. The game begins right as "20th Century Fox" appears.

Basically, every time one of the listed events occurs, everybody takes a sip of their drink. If you are using alcoholic beverages, I really don't recommend emptying a whole glass each time. You will lose conciousness before Vader even says "Don't underestimate the Force".

Drink whenever:

• Someone has a bad feeling about this.
• It is Luke's destiny.
• A TIE fighter explodes for no reason.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
• Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
• Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
• Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
• Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
• Leia insults somebody.
• Luke whines.
• The Emperor cackles evilly.
• Yoda uses bad grammar.
• Yoda talks like a fortune cookie.
• An entire planet is described as having one climate.
• It's their only hope.
• R2-D2 gets thrashed.
• C-3PO loses a body part. (Take two drinks if he is completely dismembered.)
• Luke fights monsters or savages.
• Obi-Wan plays detective. (". . .Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
• Boba Fett talks.
• Somebody gets choked.
• A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
• There is a tremor in the Force.
• Luke does some nifty acrobatic flip.
• Stormtroopers shoot everywhere but where they're aiming.
• R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
• An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force. (Vader counts.)
• An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers longer than it did when the Death Star killed billions of people. (Fourteen seconds. Count 'em.)
• Somebody's hand gets cut off.
• The Emperor has foreseen something.
• Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
• Stormtrooper armor proves useless.
• 3PO informs us of just how many forms of communication he's familiar with.
• It's not someone's fault.
• One or more heroes are almost eaten by a Thing.
• Leia wears an outfit that covers everything except her face and hands.
  Twice if it covers her neck.
  Three times if she's almost totally nude.
• A Jedi is much more powerful than he looks.
• A woman other than Leia is on screen.
  Twice if she's a Rebel.
  The whole container of whatever you're drinking if she's an Imperial (don't worry, it'll never happen).
• Something doesn't work on the Falcon.
  Twice if it's the hyperdrive.
• Someone exclaims "No!".
• Luke is upside-down.
• Someone does something apparently suicidal that turns out to be a good idea.
  Twice if it's not Han.
• Someone wears the same outfit in all three movies -- it counts if they change at the end (I think Han counts, although his clothes do change a little).
• Luke and Lando are in the same place at the same time.
  Twice if they speak to each other.
• Vader runs into one of his kids and doesn't recognize them.
  Twice if he tries to kill them.
• Someone is mind-controlled using the Force.
• Luke's parentage is Foreshadowed.
• People kiss.
• A Rebel pilot is of a race other than white.
  Twice if they're non human (co-pilots count).
• A good guy wears white or a bad guy wears black.
  Twice if a bad guy wears white and a good guy wears black. (For uniforms-- only the first person on screen counts).
  Three times if someone hovering in between wears gray.
• Every time you find yourself talking to the people on screen.
• Luke refuses to take someone's advice.
• An elaborately made up alien has no lines.
• Someone or something tries to get money from Han.

The game ends when a bunch of Ewoks start dancing. No matter what you've been drinking, you will remember this image. The last person to give up drinking on each cue is the winner. Of course, ties are possible.

If at some point you find that no one can successfully operate the VCR anymore, the game may as well be abandoned.

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